7 Retirement Shirts I Won’t Be Wearing

When it comes to retirement, many people talk about how much of a lump sum they will need to make work optional. They discuss their future plans full of travel, golf, grandchildren, and giving back to charity. We often hear of the dreams of starting the business they always wanted to run and starting the volunteer work they never had the time for when they were working full time.  Over the past twenty-six years, I’ve seen many people retire and helped many retire successfully.

At the risk of offending someone out there (because I am sure I will) I spent a few days up in New Jersey over the Fourth Of July and I saw a lot of bad shirts.  I mean really bad shirts.  Don’t know why it got me to this off the beaten path retirement topic, but I thought I would share my list of seven shirts you’ll never see me wearing during retirement.  Remember, if you do end up at Leisure Village, their motto is “It’s the time of your life to have the time of your life!”  Unless of course you are wearing a really bad shirt.

  • Tabasco Button Down Shirt – Don’t get me wrong, I love Tabasco sauce (especially the Pepper blend) but I wouldn’t wear a McIlhenny & Co. printed shirt with shrimp even if I was walking on Bourbon Street. I forbid this one in retirement.
  • Golf shirts with pictures of golf stuff on it – If you want to play golf in retirement, then I recommend you get as much of it as you can. However, having your attire loaded up with pullover shirts full of antique golf clubs and balls is a no no in retirement.
  • 80’s Cosby Sweaters – This isn’t just because of the whole recent Cosby situation, but these sweaters were god awful in the 80’s and one of those things sure not to make a fashion comeback.  If you are wearing one of these in the winter, then you better be sure it is for a retro 80’s party and that’s it.
  • Tommy Bahama – I know someone reading this really loves Tommy Bahama and I don’t begrudge you for that, but if you live In Hawaii (and Hawaii only) these make more sense to me. The rest of you…not something for retirement and not something I would be wearing in retirement.  I don’t get the whole palm tree on every single shirt look.
  • Tank Tops – Unless you are ready for a game of 3 on 3 basketball and have made the senior circuit of Ice Cube’s new league, the white tank top is a go (even if you do live on the Jersey Shore).  The tattoos won’t look quite as cool at the age of 70 as they did when you were thirty.
  • Abstracts – Triangles, circles, squares, you name it.  The bottom line is that all abstract t-shirts, button downs, jackets, etc. are all out of the question.  You don’t want to have the final phase of your life represent the beginning part of your life.  Look back at some of your old art you did as a kid.  It wasn’t good.
  • Shirtless – For 99% of us, all of the CrossFit, yoga, running, and weightlifting won’t help us defy gravity.  No problem at all with those retirees that love to garden, but nothing worse than seeing a 77 year old man doing their yard care shirtless.  You have to know when to call it quits. And I will make sure to stock up on cotton t shirts in retirement and never go for this look.

About the author  ⁄ Ted Jenkin @ Your Smart Money Moves

Ted Jenkin @ Your Smart Money Moves

Hey!

My friends and family all think I’m a workaholic, but I say I’m just a guy that loves to help people do better in life.

My mother is still the only one that calls me by my real name Theodore Michael, my wife calls me Teddy, but for the rest of you it is just plain old Ted.

Ever since I was a little kid, I always loved money and being an entrepreneur. In fact, I still have cassette tapes of me talking to my grandmother at the age of five and my mother tells me all the time how much I played with money as a kid...

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Ted Jenkin is a frequent guest columnist for the Wall Street Journal and Headline News Weekend Express. He is the co-CEO of oXYGen Financial. You can follow him on LinkedIn @ www.linkedin.com/in/theceoadvisor or on Twitter @tedjenkin.

Securities offered through Kestra Investment Services, LLC (Kestra IS), member FINRA/SIPC. Investment advisory services offered through Kestra Advisory Services, LLC (Kestra AS), an affiliate of Kestra IS. oXYGen Financial is not affiliated with Kestra IS or Kestra AS. Kestra IS and Kestra AS do not provide tax or legal advice.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and may not necessarily reflect those held by Kestra Investment Services, LLC or Kestra Advisory Services, LLC. This is for general information only and is not intended to provide specific investment advice or recommendations for any individual. It is suggested that you consult your financial professional, attorney, or tax advisor regarding your individual situation. 

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4 Comments

  • steveark
    July 16, 2017

    Those were awesome! However I’m retired slightly early and sitting at home right now wearing a shirt I’d never wear in public because it is one of those message tee’s, in this case it says ” I may be wrong, but it’s highly unlikely” From my own daughters no less! And to think I fed and cared for them for years. The very idea they think I think I’m always right….just because I’m virtually always right!

  • Skyla
    July 17, 2017

    My dad actually had that first one! Classic!

  • Ted Jenkin @ Your Smart Money Moves
    July 23, 2017

    Nice!

  • Ted Jenkin @ Your Smart Money Moves
    July 23, 2017

    Thanks