About the author  ⁄ Elizabeth Laing Thompson

Elizabeth Laing Thompson

Elizabeth Laing Thompson writes novels for teens, and blogs at LizzyLife.com about the perils and joys of laundry slaying, giggle collecting, and shopping at Target. Her work has appeared on The Huffington Post, Mamalode, BonBon Break, and more. You can find her on Facebook and Twitter.

How to Shop at Target with a Toddler and No Money in 31 Easy Steps (A Not-So-Foolproof Guide)

1.Have a stern talk with yourself beforehand: I am only going to buy a package of coffee. Only. Coffee. 2. Take a child along. A 12-year-old boy dragged away from video games would do the trick, but the ideal choice is a toddler, preferably a potty-trainer in the thick of the Terrible Twos. (No longer have a toddler of your own? Borrow one from a beleaguered young mother—she’ll kiss your feet in gratitude.) 3. Enter Target. Feel something warm and tingly light up inside of you. Good thing you brought a toddler to keep you in check, because you recognize the symptoms: the beginnings of Target High.* (*Target High: a euphoric state in which you gleefully buy everything you see at Target. Symptoms include dizziness, shortness of breath, giddiness and compulsive credit-card swiping.) 4. Strap the child into a cart. She starts whining, a Toddler Time Bomb already ticking. Hand her a cereal bar to buy yourself eight minutes. 5. Decide ...

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